gary drive

i'm sitting in my bedroom in arizona listening to "technicolor girls" by death cab for cutie. and i'm thinking. about many things. the future, the past.

i'm not sure that being home is a good thing for me. i mean, it's great to see family and my close friends (the ones i actually talk to hah), don't get me wrong. but i honestly think that it's a good thing that i'm only here for a week. because just being here and driving around the past couple of days and seeing different landmarks and such just makes me think.

i've had a flood of memories and emotions since saturday: some good, some bad. i've been thinking about some of the hundreds of times at qt with basically anyone and everyone i've ever been friends with. and driving on the 202 from fez to my junior prom with syd and dan and cam the night (well, one of the nights) that i was a b. or going to tempe marketplace with my mom tonight and parking in a hauntingly familiar part of the target parking lot. i'll always hate that place. simply driving on certain roads makes me ill.

i'm beginning to question whether or not i will actually ever be able to come back to the valley for good. which raises the question, where will i go? i simply don't know. all i know is where i will not be. and that really frightens me.