also, i turned 21 on thursday.

i don't feel different, but i feel like i want to feel different and i feel like i should feel different.

i want to grow up.

honestly

i'm trying to learn how to be perfectly honest with my feelings. often i keep things to myself, at least from the people who should know certain thoughts/feelings. i need to tie up loose ends, and let people know the things that they deserve to know.

i also need to be fair to myself. i keep my mouth shut a lot, and sometimes i get taken advantage of because i don't want to make anyone else upset or uncomfortable. example. every year for my family birthday dinner i choose to have sandwiches. this is because, well, i love sandwiches. but even more than that, i don't want to bug anyone by having tacos or pizza or hummus and pita. so with sandwiches, everyone gets what they want. and no one's annoyed or mad at me.

i need to liberate myself from tiptoeing around people that i really don't have to tiptoe around. i need to free myself from that anxiety and nervousness. but it's really, really scary to me.