no food in my house.

shoooot this is all happening fast. so its official: i'm moving to utah. within the next month. i've thought and prayed about it a lottt and its where i need to be. it's going to be hard, but it'll be good.

tonight tracie and i went to colby john's birthday party. it was funnnn. he had christmas lights strung in zig zags between the roof of his house and the wall. a bunch of us (colby, tracie, jessica, kelley, me) layed on blankets and stared at them for a long time. we were listening to girly music, and then good chill music like death cab and modest mouse. i hadn't felt so calm and peaceful and relaxed in a while. i could have said, "i slit the sheet the sheet i slit and on the slitted sheet i sit." also, colby gave me gifts! incense, a gecko grill shirt (he works there), and my favorite: a vintage bob marley and the wailers tee shirt that is from the uprising tour, which according to colby was the final tour. i personally don't know, as i am not a die hard marley fan, though i do enjoy his music.

speaking of music... i have been plowing through mine. i am now in damien rice. can you believe it? i'm pretty stoked.

ah i have hiccups and they won't go away.

in my place

"i'm going to miss having you around." those words touched me today. they came from someone whom i've always loved, whom i have always seen as a pillar of strength, whom i have always thought didn't think very highly of me. she told me that she has really enjoyed seeing all my progress, and that i had saved her life several times this summer. though i'm sure that was an exaggeration, it still touched me because i know she's had a rough summer. she works harder than almost anyone i know, and she commented on how much i have helped her and kept her sane. i wish i had developed a close relationship with her earlier in life. she's a very sweet lady.

solo un vampiro te querra para siempre.

there's always just a ton to think about. i think what i'm going to end up doing is this: defer my byu acceptance until january and spend a semester at home, saving money and such, then probably transferring up to provo. i definitely want to go to school in utah at some point though. i think this plan will work out to my advantage, giving me time now to get myself together while still not putting it off for too long. i am eating lucky charms. straight out of the box. i'm listening to clap your hands say yeah. i'd like to mention that i listened to "dirrty" by christina aguilera today, and that its so good in such a bad way. haha, guilty pleasures playlist? i think so. oh and i'm rereading the twilight series since breaking dawn is coming out.

i am no different than the others who saw the dark night,  i loved it. it was just really good. especially the part when they're in the club and batman beats up the guys in the strobe light. so this music project is becoming slightly exhausting. i'm three songs shy of finishing off broken social scene. i had a fun time dancing to britney spears in my room on friday, ha i am shameless. i built a bookshelf yesterday. now i just need to figure out where to put it!

last night was the spirit animal party at josh's. he was an elk, mel was an owl, gunnar was a jellyfish, brenden was a raccoon, laura was a manatee, i was a sea otter, john soo was a panda, jesse was a koala, keivon was a bison, the list could go on. it was fun! we had the final countdown. it was excellllent. i went to my own singles ward today (just sacrament though). it seemed like it was pretty cool, but i didn't talk to anyone that i didn't know. i wish i didn't get uncomfortable in new situations. i'm not looking forward to work tomorrow, and i wish i could play the harmonica.

make a plan, carve it into stone.

i hardly ever sleep now! geeez. it's rough being a night owl.

so here's something big. i'm seriously considering changing all my current plans and going to utah in the fall. i made pros and cons lists for both asu and byu, and it's really looking like byu is the way i'm gonna go. i really wish i had realized this sooner, but i wasn't making my decisions for the right reasons, and when i was applying for byu and praying about it, the whole time i said, "if i get accepted to byu i'll go." well i got accepted and made the choice not to. but i think i need this change. there's probably more opportunity for me in utah, considering where i know i need to be (and want to be) in my life. so i'll have decided for sure within a week. i'm actually getting really excited, thinking about it. just going away and being able to start fresh, not knowing anyone, and not having a reputation following me around. but i DON'T want to be one of those girls who gets married right away. ewww! i guess that's why they call it ewtah. haha.

i'm in bright eyes now! i listened to all my brand new today. it was a goood day musically, and otherwise.

OH! and i saw dear erin, she's back from california and awesome as ever! we watched harry potter three while sitting in chairs at wal mart and i bought brenden a thermos-it was vinyl (maybe?) and red! with a cup built RIGHT IN!!! 

oi'm a good girl oi am!

things are looking up, for real! EXCEPT, i'm at the point where i have to force myself to listen to the black eyed peas... eh. but i'm getting pretty far! i got through all of my ben artists, and i had to take a break from facebooking this afternoon when berlin's "take my breath away" played so i could belt it. ha! i'm not even joking... last night we watched "the jerk," and it's probably one of the funniest movies i've ever seen. "i was born a poor black child." ohh dear. tonight i stayed home, i completed a grip of su doku puzzles, and i watched "my fair lady" and "the darjeeling limited." both are very good. i've got a long day tomorrow; i work from seven to three. yikes. i'll have to get up pretttty early, and it's starting to get late.

LANDED.

there's no point in me being sad anymore, so i'm not letting myself be!!!

today was good! kristine gave a lovely talk in u5 ward. i hung out with joshy and his brother, brenden. we had a wonderful experience playing in the rain. i went to capri's birthday party and pwn'd in rockband. it was quite the good time.

benfolds.

ten o nine

i'm making a dent in this, i think. i'm almost done with beck. yesterday was beatles day, ha i had lots of beatles music. the ones that stuck out though were:

lucy in the sky with diamonds

i am the walrus

she's leaving home

in my life.

binge

i dont really have anything to say except that i'm on the beatles. and todays songs:

sad eyes, bat for lashes

dont worry baby, the beach boys

animal collective and cleaning

last night i hung out with sydnee, and i had a really good time. we stopped by matt and lori's, which was good. it's always a calming feeling to go to their house. today i worked, i cleaned the office. it took me like two hours, which was a long long time considering i never ever clean. i listened to lots of music today, i'm currently on arcade fire. this is gonna take forever.

today's songs worth mentioning:

not a pretty girl, ani difranco

sweet road, animal collective

ruby, the apples in stereo

barbie girl, aqua (hah)

tongue-tied, aqualung.

.......

the worst part is trying to gather the courage to push a little bit harder and let yourself feel.

arizona & andrew bird

i had a pleasant drive home from prescott this afternoon. i failed to mention before that i have begun the very long process of listening to each and every one of the songs on my iPod/iTunes. the order in which i'm doing this is alphabetically by artist. i started on thursday, and i'm currently on andrew bird. i have a feeling this is going to take a while.

i never really liked arizona landscape before today. as i was leaving prescott valley and listening to a.b. while it was raining, i looked towards the hills and saw a lovely sight (see posted picture). it changed my feelings about the beauty of my home state.

motor lodgeee

i've been up in prescott since thursday evening. the weather here is niiiice. every afternoon it gets cloudy and rains. so that's always nice! the motor lodge is looking great; dad and brian have done so much work here and it's definitely paying off. last night they had customers in every room! last night i baked cookies, from scratch. everyone seemed somewhat appauled that i wasn't using the break and bake or the ones from the tube. that made me sad. but the homemade ones were a millllion times better. sometimes simple things like cookies baked from scratch can make all the difference. last night i slept in the cave because there weren't any vacant rooms for me to sleep in (the cave being a small room behind dad and brian's closet, not big enough for a bed so i slept on a big chair haha). i started reading a book i got over spring break, a complicated kindness. it's pretty good so far, i'm about fifty pages or so into it. it reminds me a bit of the catcher in the rye in that there isn't a very strict plot line, but lots of rambling. i enjoy it. i've been having a good time up here, but i'll be glad to get home and have some QT. also, i miss sydnee.

smells like dye

i often feel as though my mind is just a blank page. though tonight, as i was chatting with an old friend, i realized that its not blank, just covered so much with different thoughts that it's all blackened out. something like the following, perhaps:

i hate this i hate this i love you i love you please find yourself and do whats right and come back for me

and then some simpler, easier to decipher thoughts. like how i need to go to bed soon because i have asu orientation tomorrow, and how my room is a mess.

either way. they're thoughts, and that's a helll of a lot better than feeling blank and numb.

tonight was really fun, we went to the robert plant and alison krauss concert and it was very good. i want to hang out with robert plant because he's really, really cool. spencer says that he (robert plant) is one of two mortals who have the ability to "take chuck norris" (for the other, youtube "techno viking." ohh my goodness).  incidentally, a fan climbed onstage during the encore and was hastily mauled by security. it was cool.

summer bird diamond

things are changing, quickly. i can't believe that june is already over. this summer is flying by.

it's been pretty hard this past week. but i'm trying to get through this, and i am putting my faith into this hope that it's all going to work out and be even better than before.

music is such a driving force in this life. its incredible how you can be listening to a song you've heard a hundred times and then all of a sudden, it hits you. you know this exact feeling. you never understood it before until this very moment when you realize that this person you've never met before has felt the exact same thing that you're feeling, and they can convey this intermingling of emotions in the exact way that you wish you could. its the best.