100 cal pack

i'm still antisocial. but i've got a boy that i've been hangin out with ,and he's a nice one. :) don't worry though. i'm still not getting married for a million years. also, i love my roommates. we have many laughs each day. school is going well. i like college. except it's weird when there are couples walking around campus with their a stroller. but that's byu. i loveee my french class. the people in it are chill and i really like my professor. i cut my bangs last night. they're straight across - i'm trying to get used to it. today there was  a taco party for the ward in the quad outside my apartment. christina and i ate our tacos in like two minutes and came right back upstairs. can't complain about free food these days. one tree hill monday. eeep! can't wait. and girl talk is excellent dance music. 

eight fifty

i need to stop.

rug smell

i miss home.
i miss my friends. i talk to pretty much everyone in my family all day. but i really miss my friends a lot. i miss qt. i miss driving my van. i miss the normality and routine of tempe.
i do like it here, but at this moment i'd rather be home. i hope it'll get better once school starts. because i have nothing to do now.

pairadice

so i am in provo, i don't want to go into details about the trip up or last night. so short version: i found an apartment, i'm the only one living here for now. i expect that the other girls will be moving in tomorrow.

this morning i woke up early and went for a jog. it was really cool outside and breezy, the sun was still coming up. i was listening to limbeck (it's really good utah music). i ran down to center street and back around the block to my apartment. it was so pretty, running beside the mountains. everything just felt so pure, the air, the trees, the moment. i think i'm really going to enjoy utah. i miss sydnee though.

raspberry

there are rules and guidelines for a reason. do yourself a favor and follow them. lesson learned? we'll see.

pain shapes

my current situation being what it is, my mind can't help but to wander and wonder.

my thoughts linger on one experience in particular though. one life-changing, long-lasting (kind of) experience. and although this experience wasn't really that long ago, it feels like it's far in my past and memory.

particular parts of this experience have been blurred and mixed together. others are etched in my mind, and it's likely that they will be permanently. one time stands out now, as "night drive" by jimmy eat world plays. i vividly recall sitting at QT at a gas pump and winning a bet. that was a night that things changed.

"23" was playing a little earlier, and i can remember feeling exactly the same as certain lines of that song: 'you'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time. what are you hoping for? i'm, here, i'm now, i'm ready, holding on tight.' my eyes begin to water as these feelings come back. unrequited feelings. simultaneous feelings of hope and hopelessness.

coldplay's "viva la vida" album will always remind me. always.

"a wish," by gregory and the hawk.

and then there's that night. one of the worst that i've experienced, up there with several of the nights to follow. i couldn't handle it. i've relived it so many times, wondering if there was anything i could have said or done to change it. and though i've tried to block it out, i'll never be able to forget it. as the bens so bluntly say it, "love just leaves you bruised. and i've got the scars to prove it." but just because i don't want to remember, doesn't mean that i want to forget.

now, i don't want you to think that i regret any of those eight months. not one part of me does. i learned so much, and i think i've realized why we have these kinds of experiences: to grow and change and improve and mature. i've seen in the past few weeks how my actions and reactions to situations have changed from what they would have been previously. though things didn't unfold in the ideal manner, i believe that they occurred as they were supposed to. all the memories i have, i'll cherish, not shy away from. 

whenever i hear a limbeck song, what laura says, "cheeseburger in paradise," or "paper planes," i'll remember. and i'll want to.

lucky charm 112

i need to read breaking dawn.

went to green last night with josh, gun, mel, k8, chucky, and kahley. much fun! today i believe sydnee and i are going to pita. yum... hahas. i need to get a bike. i think i'll do that today too. 

i can't believe how soon i'm leaving. i can't even comprehend this. i'm getting more and more scared. but no less excited. a bunch of people have said that they're gonna come and visit. but i'm pretty sure that most of them won't. i don't know what i'm going to do with myself once i get up there. i'll have over a week before school starts. i'll look for a job, hopefully someplace cool. oh man. this is so unreal.

i'm at jewel now. ha.

TRUES.

i feel strange, airy. 

i've been meeting a lot of new people lately, and really enjoying it. i'll feel a little down for leaving those people. and also those always-important people who are not new. i'm going to hate to leave sydnee. and my family. and joshua. and the rest. i'll even be sad to leave work. friday is my last day at tmc.

i want to be more open to my opportunities, for the remainder of my time in arizona, but especially in utah. i feel like too often i'm politely (usually) declining things that come my way. i've been thinking about this more and more recently, and so i've been saying "yes" to more things. not all of these things have been positive. but this is the part when discretion and wise judgment come into play. i need to be better about those things as well.

i'm listening to hot hot heat. i feel like i'm finally getting somewhere, a month later. ha.

balloons or no balloons.

the definition of cool is:

• working at pita jungle
  
• wearing brown pants
  
• wearing a fedora.

do yourself a favor and don't ask. 

last night i went to dodgeball, then  hung out with my new friend bret. we ate chicken pasta salad and watched the BFG. there are so many things to say about that movie, but i think the quote that encompasses the greatness of the movie is "whiz pop whiz bang!" 

i got a new phone, my third chocolate broke. so they upgraded me to the new chocolate. not the chocolate three, which is the actual new chocolate, but the one in the middle. but it's black and it's neat.

monday i read the little prince. it's such a simple, spectacular book.

i'm listening to the format.

"i'm trying to find truth in words, in rhymes, in notes, in all the things i wish i wrote."

it's been a weird weekend. last week went by pretty fast. i don't know what i'm doing. i'm so tired right now, haha. but i'm happy. i can't really write in this right now.  i don't know what to say.